DRUG ACTION WEEK - LIVE AND AWARE

This speech was presented by Ann Williams at the Drug Action Week celebrations held at Mirikai on Friday 22 June 2007. The theme of the week was ’Live and Aware’
'Live and Aware' is the theme for Drug Action Week and 'aware' is an excellent word, very important in the recovery journey but it is the polar opposite of what I was as a parent. My daughter has a dual diagnosis, she has bi polar disorder and she is a drug addict.

Every parent I have ever talked to loves their child. It is in our human nature to nurture our young. I was no exception. I loved and wanted to protect my daughter. I wanted to fix her problems. I knew that she used alcohol when she was young - during this period I monitored her movements, tried to control her behaviour believing that that was my role. I didn’t think that it would be better to look for a reason why she was turning to alcohol, it never occurred to me. During university when she let me know that she was dependent on marijuana I sent her to psychiatrists and psychologists thinking that I could pay to have the problem fixed. To me it was no different to fixing the cut on her knee when she was little. As a parent I believed she would grow out of her alcohol and drug use and the resultant behaviours that it was all part of adolescence. But the use and the behaviours were far more extreme than my other three children. To me it was as if she was rejecting my beliefs, values and behaviours. I took it personally as if she was personally attacking the behaviours I had tried to pass to her. I assumed I knew what was best for her. I was so busy trying to help her behave in what I saw as the right way that I forgot to listen when she spoke or to investigate why she needed to use alcohol and drugs. There were times when I divorced myself from the situation in order to survive.  

When she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 21 I used that as an excuse for the behaviours that were part of our lives. The never knowing how she was going to react, believing that other family members were given preferential treatment, and vicious verbal attacks. There were times when I was scared of how she would react and what she was going to say. Family gatherings were often unpredictable. I spiraled into desperation reverting to behaviours that I thought would ‘fix it’ but never thinking why.

My daughter moved to Townsville, never staying too long in one job and never having any money - with me going to rescue her every so often. At this stage I didn’t know just how unsafe her behaviours were. After two or three years she moved to Tom Price, a mining town in Western Australia. I was delighted that now she would get some stability in her life. She was to live with her sister, the mine provided a house practically rent free and she could secure a well paid job. The location didn’t change the situation it just got worse. In the mining industry the workers are regularly tested for alcohol and marijuana so less detectable drugs such as methamphetamines are used.

Last November, with nowhere else to go, she returned home. Not long after she arrived she told me about her drug use and outlined what had brought her to the realization that she had to do something before the substances that she was using caused irreversible damage to her body, mind and soul. She informed me that her drug of choice was crystal meths, ice - I was devastated. I had no understanding of the drug culture, the drugs used and the affect that these drugs had on people but over the next three months we got a first hand glimpse of the unsafe world that she was in and the resulting anguish that it caused parents. In November she made phone calls to rehabilitation centers in Brisbane, Northern NSW and on the Gold Coast but, because of her dual diagnosis, nothing could be done until she secured a report from a psychiatrist to say that she was mentally fit enough to manage a program. It was coming up to Christmas and there were no appointments to be had until mid-January 2007. The three months were extremely difficult for my daughter and the family.

She had come home so that I could ‘fix it’ as I had equipped her with no mechanisms to deal with this but a parent soon realizes that an addict is the only one that can take the necessary steps in their recovery. I was sick myself from the anxiety of watching a daughter alter her state of mind to such an extent that there was no knowing what she would do or what dangerous situations she would put herself into. As a Mum there is no one you can talk with as the communities’ knowledge of addiction is so limited. You feel isolated from friends, the community and desperate to know what direction to go to find help. You don’t know where to turn. There are no signs.

I was fortunate in that I had grown up in an AA household. My father was a member of AA in a country town and became a sponsor to alcoholics searching for sobriety. I had an understanding of the 12 step program and the support the fellowship offers. My brother is an alcoholic and had been a member of AA for some years. I turned to him. He supported me and through me my daughter.  He was non judgmental, knowledgeable and led me to support her in finding NA. But she needed a rehabilitation program.

After a particularly unsafe incident I rang the Gold Coast Drug Council finding the number in the yellow pages and a young man with an understanding voice answered the phone. He told me that he had been through the program and was eight months clean. He had also come back from Western Australia. You would not believe the elation I felt to know that there was other young addicts out there, this gave me hope. I had found a lifeline.

Mirikai was and has been that lifeline. My daughter entered Mirikai as a resident on Thursday 24 January 2007. Mirikai has offered a safe haven, a chance to begin a journey of recovery, professional support and mentoring. The understanding Mirikai offers comes from people who have been in the same situation and know the desperation. Mirikai offers a support group for emotionally damaged parents and families so that they can learn to change their behaviours, to accept and rejoice in their son or daughter and to hand their son or daughter back control of their own lives and their recovery.

My daughter’s recovery has given me a second chance of seeing her grow into the beautiful person that she is. She is a sensitive, caring and capable human being who has much to offer the community. I rejoice in the opportunity that she has and hope and pray that she will be patient and understanding with me as I learn to let her take control of her own life, make her own mistakes and enjoy her own successes.

In Drug Action Week the action I, as a parent, would like to see is a nonjudgmental, knowledgeable and empathetic society that directs a fair amount of its abundant financial resources to recovery.

Ann Williams